Thanks for any wisdom you could impart,
A Confused Caedan L

Dear Confused Caedan L,

Best left to “the gays”? Now that is a knee-slapper. Is she afraid that knitting is going to turn her into a lesbian? Oh wait, I see she said that knitting is “too girlie.” So when she says “gays” she means “male homosexuals” and when she says “girlie” she means “too feminine.” You don’t say what her age is, but judging from her vocabulary and usage, I’d guess that she’s a teenager. Or Ann Coulter.

But your question isn’t really about her, of course. It’s really about you. Your conversion rate is impressive, to say the least. 200% higher than mine, in fact. Even the people who have asked me to teach them don’t actually knit regularly. But that’s their loss, and unlike Christianity, knitting is not an evangelistic tradition.

Which is a long way of saying that the best way to bring your friend back to the needles is to lay off the pressure. Keep knitting in her presence, but stop the conversion attempts. If she really misses knitting, she’ll come back to it on her own. Most teenagers give up activities they were into before adolescence set in, and they often come back to those things later when they realize that the enjoyment of those activities outweighs what anyone else thinks about them (in my case, it was singing along with Jesus Christ Superstar).

But if she’s Ann Coulter, it’s a lost cause.

For what it’s worth, I knit English style; always have in spite of numerous attempts to learn Continental. My left pinky finger has a permanent injury, making it nearly impossible to hold in the standard form, and it gets annoying on my ring finger after a while–or really I’m probably just lazy! At any rate, even though I knit English style, my right hand never leaves the needle. I have the “consistent” gauge you refer to in your response to the original question. My question is this: is it odd for English-style knitters to keep their hands on their work? I can’t imagine letting go for every stitch…sounds crazy to me!

-Knitophile

Dear Knitophile,

It might sound crazy to you, but the answer to your question is: yes.

I have been writing my own patterns for a couple of years, with mixed results! If I want to share patterns though I need to provide them in a range of sizes. I can just about work out how to do that using the CYC sizing charts, but how can I be sure I’ve got it right without knitting every size? And how on earth do you work out how much yarn each size needs? Help!

-Rachel

Dear Rachel,

You’ve stumbled on the two biggest variables in almost every knitting design that has sizes. No designer who needs to eat/sleep/use the bathroom/pet his cat has the time to knit every single size of the sweater he’s just mapped out, so he does what you did: finds a reliable sizing chart and does the math.

Now, most reputable sources of knitting patterns have editors, and those editors comb over designs for mathematical errors. If your pattern is accepted, it will be vetted for glaring mistakes. You should still do your best to work out the numbers for the sizes that you didn’t knit, but you can cut yourself some slack knowing that a second (or third) pair of eyes will be going over your work.

As for the yardage, well, that’s a little more difficult. For my designs, I just take an educated guess. For example, when I knit Avast for myself, I had almost a entire skein left over. It’s pretty likely that the next size up is going to use up that skein, and the size after that will use one more.

But you know what? All knitters buy more yarn than they need, precisely to head off the situation that you’re trying to avoid. Few knitters mind having extra yarn in their stash, and the ones that do can return the unused skeins to their local yarn shop. Which is a long way of saying; don’t worry about the skein count.

Good luck!

I have been knitting for 8 years and I want to knit socks! Trouble is, I am afraid. So many sock patterns, so many needles, so scary! How can I find an easy beginner sock pattern and not poke an eye out with 4 needles going at once?

-Kim L.

Dear Ms. L.

Fear of socks is a common affliction among knitters of all stages, and the only way to cure it is to go ahead and knit one. What’s the worst thing that can happen? You’re not going to get an eye poked out. When you were a kid, how many times did you get admonished by grownups to stop horsing around because “someone’s going to get an eye poked out”? And how many of those eyes actually got poked out? That’s right.

The big secret that every fan of double-pointed needles knows is that, even though you have needles sticking out all over the place, you’re only using two needles at a time. In that sense, it’s no different than regular knitting. You do have to fumble a bit to stop the ends of the needles from bumping into each other while you knit, but that gets worked out after about five rounds, and then you never have to figure it out again. Like riding a bicycle. And no one ever got an eye poked out from riding a bike, did they? That’s right.

But I am not a fan of double-pointed needles myself, mostly because they’re too easy to lose, so I’m going to recommend that you learn to knit socks from this simple and fabulous book. It has great patterns for you to learn on, and with no needles sticking out all over the place, it’s even less likely that your first pair of socks will cost you an eye.

I have a huge problem. I can’t get my gauge right. Invaribly I have to go down at least 3, usually 4, needle sizes from the recommended size and still the gauge is not quite right. That’s okay if the pattern calls for size 7, 8, or 8 needles, but if it calls for size 4 or 5 I’m up the proverbial creek with almost impossible to find needles. I’ve been knitting for 25 years and this has always been a problem for me. Have you any suggestions on what I’m doing wrong? I try to knit tighter stitches sometimes to the point of being barely able to move the stitches along the needles. (And, yes, I’m usually using the yarn called for in the pattern.)

Thanks,
Mary

Dear Mary,

Why not just open a newspaper? Three civil wars in the Middle East, Iran brewing up some nuclear weapons, the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists bumping up the Doomsday Clock by two minutes . . . not to mention the impending Godzilla-level smackdown between Barak Obama and Hillary Clinton, which is likely to shred the Democratic Party into tiny little partisan tatters. It’s enough to add a few stitches to anyone’s gauge!

If that doesn’t work, I have two other suggestions for you. You don’t say whether you’re a Continental or an English knitter, but whichever you are, you might try switching. Many people find that learning the new technique causes their gauge to tighten up. That change can be temporary, but it’s a good start, and will give you the opportunity to keep the gains you make in your stitch-per-inch count.

If that doesn’t work——or if you’ve already got both techniques in the bag, knitting for as long as you have been——then I recommend meta-knitting: the technique of taking apart, piece by piece, a process that’s already second-nature. At this point, you can work a knit stitch without thinking, right? Well, now you’re going to think about it. Take it apart as if you were learning it all over again, breaking it down into steps:

1. Insert the needle
2. Wrap the yarn
3. Pull the new stitch through the old one
4. Take the stitch off the needle

Somewhere, in one of these steps, you’re not pulling your yarn as tightly as you could, or you’re letting the slack out of the yarn. If it seems like you’re having to learn the process all over again——if you’re feeling utterly ridiculous, thinking that I’ve insulted your intelligence, telling yourself that you shouldn’t have to do this after 25 years of knitting——then you’re meta-knitting correctly. You’re re-teaching yourself how to knit in order to tighten up that gauge.

And since I totally made up meta-knitting just now, I’ll be really interested to hear whether it works for you. Or for anyone else, for that matter. Good luck!

Regarding Kristina with the hot boyfriend: perhaps she could try a tote bag or manly messenger bag (felted, maybe)? It could be something along the lines of Stephanie Shiman’s satchel, or maybe something like Jared’s brooklyntweed “murse.” Just a thought.

- Emily S.

Dear Emily,

Thanks for the tip! And silly me——I didn’t even think of that satchel, and my wife knit it for me last year! It’s a great bag, and a great pattern. Might want to add a button or something to finish the enclosure. That “murse” (man + purse = murse) looks pretty cool too, although I’d use something besides the recommended Manos. Pills like crazy.

I have the hottest boyfriend in the world (seriously). The boy’s average body temp rides right around where mine does when I’m sick. I’ve knit for both of our families for Christmas, but am stuck on what to knit him. He’s said no socks, sweaters, scarves, blankets, etc. I’m running out of ideas. I need something masculine that’s lone purpose is not to keep him warm. Any ideas?

-Kristina

Dear Kristina,

That’s quite a problem you have, Kristina. Boyfriends always want something masculine, and only a very small subset of hand-knit items actually fit that description. If we’re going to complicate matters even further by knocking out sweaters, scarves and blankets, that really only leaves us with . . . with . . . potholders. Which you’re clearly not going to knit for your boyfriend (and might not qualify as masculine, depending on your boyfriend’s culinary habits).

There’s a wide world of hand-knit toys out there, but all of them require your boyfriend to be simultaneously possessed of two qualites: 1) a sense of humor, and 2) a high tolerance for cuteness. I can’t tell from your message whether your boyfriend has these attributes, but with a body temperature that runs up in the fever range, he’d better at least have the first one.

So, I’m going to punt, and answer your question with a question: does your boyfriend actually want you to knit something for him? Or is it just that you want to knit something for him? If the latter, I’d let it go. Given the number of items on the No Knit List, it’s not really worth the trouble. But if he really does want a hand-knit item from you, and potholders just won’t cut it, take him to your local yarn shop, point him in the direction of the books and magazines, and tell him to find something he’ll like.

Thanks for writing, by the way. It was getting awfully quiet around here.

My son is only a baby now, but already he loves colorful yarn, so i had a thought to someday teach him how to knit. His old man doesn’t even like knitted stuff, so I am asking you when and how it would be the best to start and how to proceed, you being a man who knits and all.

Thanks a lot,
Eva

Dear Eva,

I might be a man who knits (and all), but I’m not a parent (yet) and I didn’t learn to knit until I was well into my (supposed) adulthood.

I have, however, worked with a lot of kids, of many different ages, and in many different capacities. One thing I’ve noticed about the little ones is that they’re naturally curious about anything we adults do. To the littlest of kids, adulthood appears to bestow magical powers, and they would like to acquire as many of those powers as they can, as soon as possible. The manual dexterity required to do things like knitting is one of those powers.

Your son, Eva, is already interested in yarn. Keep knitting in front of your son (as I’m sure you already do) and your son will get curious about what, exactly, you’re doing with those needles, and how, exactly, that skein of yarn turns into that amazing knitted item. Once he’s old enough to handle a knitting needle without being a danger to himself or others, it’s time to teach him the knit stitch. After that, it’s only a matter of time before you get your first son-knitted scarf.

I figured I’d ask a guy for this. My boyfriend is turning 21 in a month, and I want to knit him something. Nothing huge like a sweater, but I was hoping to make something along the lines of a hat or something he’d actually use. He’s a butcher, so I’ve purchased him various meat related gifts in the past, but was hoping to knit (or crochet, I’m up to that, too!) him something useful, yet meat related. I might make him a link scarf:

How funny is that? But it’s not something he’d use. Any ideas?

-Ariel

Dear Ariel,

Wow. I don’t usually get stumped, but meat-related knitting patterns are few and far between. I think that link scarf pretty much covers it. You could stick with food theme, though, and focus on what happens after the meat consumption by knitting your boyfriend one of these:

But you want to knit something he can actually use, and I suppose no one really needs a second digestive tract. Besides, as much as I love meat, I’ve heard it’s not much to look at once it gets to the small intestine. So, Ariel, it sounds like you’ve come to the moment when your knitting needs have outstripped the available patterns. It’s time for you to do what legions of knitters have done before you: become a designer.

Fortunately, this path is well-trodden, and one of the more recent treaders is my friend Danica. Her software-genius of a husband created this handy fair-isle designing program, which you can use for free at her website! My advice to you is to find a basic hat pattern that you know your boyfriend will wear, and then use that software to design a pork chop motif, a bacon border, or a nice juicy steak . . . hmmmm. I think it’s about time for lunch.

I wanted to make my husband one of your beautiful Danica scarves. He loves it! Here’s the problem: I spin my yarn and I’m new at it. Now my yarn is just now getting to be pretty. It’s even, yet handspun. Love it. I don’t know how thick to make the yarn for the scarf. Do need plied yarn or can I use a single. I think it probably should be about worsted weight, but I wanted to check before I spin.

-Allena in Missouri

Dear Allena,

I throw myself at your feet! Spinning is a skill that simply eludes me. I know it’s just a matter of practice, but spinning seems to have a learning curve as steep as the north face of Mount Everest, and I just can’t cliimb it. Kudos to you for sticking with it, and for getting to the point where you’re spinning yarn that you love.

I used Patons Classic Merino for the initial design of Danica, and that’s a worsted weight, four-ply yarn. Single is just fine, so long as it’s worsted. Many folks have used Noro Silk Garden or Kureyon with fabulous results. If you’re in love with the yarn that you’re spinning, and you don’t want to go through the extra trouble, then by all means start knitting with what you have!  And don’t forget to send me a picture when you’re done.