The Return of Google’s Greatest Hits

It’s been quite a while since I’ve done one of these, mostly because the search phrases that pop up on my stats page get pretty repetitive after a while. It looks like March was the month that some really . . . um, interesting people found their way on to the ‘net, and there were so many humdingers and head scratchers that I couldn’t resist doing another round. For those of you who are new-ish readers, you can check out the earlier installations of Google’s Greatest Hits here. As you read these, please keep the following important things in mind:

  1. People——actual, real-live human beings——typed these search phrases into a search engine.
  2. The resulting searches turned up a link to this website.
  3. The people doing those searches clicked on that link.

So! Let’s get going!

the good influnce that barbie has on girls

I’m not sure how this phrase led to yarnboy.com, but I know why the person came here: the search didn’t turn up any other websites. When I was a kid, the friends I had who were girls cut off their Barbies’ hair, pulled off their heads, gave them tattoos with permanent markers, and mangled them in ways too disturbing to describe here. The good influence? An opportunity to destroy an unattainable body image!

what to get a lesbian knitter

Easy! Lesbian yarn, lesbian needles, and a book of lesbian patterns. Why is this even a question?

if my son shows many feminine traits is he gay
can my son wear a skirt

Sigh . . . I’ve addressed these before, and they always break my heart. Anxiety about the sexual orientation of one’s progeny shows up in surprising amounts on my stats page every month. I picture some poor, anxious parent typing at their computer late at night after spending another evening watching their son dance around the living room in a skirt. The answer to both questions is, of course, yes. But speaking of skirts:

husband lifts my skirt
husband likes lifting my skirt

This doesn’t really strike me as a problem, given the number of husbands who prefer to lift skirts that aren’t on their wives. But if it is a problem, why not just ask your husband to stop? Seems much easier than looking for a solution on the internet. Or wearing pants all the time. But enough of this serious stuff! Let’s hear from the Department of Totally Random Google Searches:

nimoy s glove in invasion of the body snatchers

You know what’s really scary? I know exactly what that glove looks like without having to look it up. That’s scarier than the end of the movie itself, which, as you might recall, ends on a much bleaker note than the original 1956 version. Or maybe you don’t recall, which isn’t a bad thing. For you normal people who can’t remember exactly what Leonard Nimoy was wearing every time he appeared on a TV or movie screen, here’s a picture from Invasion of the Body Snatchers:

Now here’s what’s really scary: apparently, someone was looking for a pattern for that glove.

really knit stuff

Someone is either looking for stuff that’s really knit (as opposed to all that fake knit stuff) or wants to, you know, really knit stuff. It actually kind of makes me nervous, because I thought I was really knitting stuff, and now I think I might have been faking it all along.

cat vs deanna

This is either the smackdown of the century, or someone is contemplating a really unfortunate decision. If it’s the latter, well . . . I have to say that I completely sympathize. My cat is fourteen years old, and she’s outlasted all of my romantic relationships, with the happy exception of my current one (ie. my marriage). But if it’s the smackdown? Let the fur fly!

knitting won

So there was more than one mano-a-mano on my stats page last month. But in cat vs deanna, at least we know who’s fighting. I’m glad knitting came out on top in this one, but I’m dying to know who it was going up against. Maybe it was this person:

how do i stop poking my finger when i knit?

4 Comments

  • Faith says:

    I seriously needed a laugh today. Thanks for that.

    How is it that you always get the best Google searches? Mine are nearly always Google image searches for pregnant bellies. Hmm.

  • martha says:

    Ok, I get such a kick out of you! I love your knitting, b ut I also love your view on things and sincerely look forward to reading your musings on life etc. How are the babies?

  • Renee says:

    Literally laughed till I cried! Love your knitting and your writing. I used to read your blog way back years ago before I had a baby or you had babIES! Then you went away for awhile and I was very sad about that. But now I see you’re here again and I’m SO GLAD! YAAAY!

  • Laughed until I cried! Very funny!

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