Google’s Greatest Hits

Like many web site owners, I like to use statistics tracking software to see how many visitors I get, where they come from, and what search terms people use to find my site. This last item has been particularly illuminating, and today I’d like to share some of my favorites. Let’s just jump right in:

insane knitter blog

I don’t consider myself an insane knitter, but if I were one, I’d definitely have an insane knitter blog. The more interesting question is, just what was this person looking for? I ask that question about a lot of the search terms on my list. Especially this one:

heterosexual knitting

I may be heterosexual, but I didn’t realize I had transmitted it to my knitting. I mean, I can’t even tell whether my hand-knit items are male or female. Given the rate at which they multiply, I guess we can assume that at least some of them are breeders. Anyway, the relationship between knitting and sexual orientation is apparently a much hotter topic than I thought:

does knitting make you gay?

It seems to me that simple observation would have cut off that search a long time ago. If it were true, there’d be a lot more lesbians in the world. I know, I know . . . when someone asks that question, they’re only wondering if it turns men gay. Well, I can only speak for myself. I just got married last summer (to a woman) and . . . I’ll just leave it at that. Meanwhile, it seems that other boys are causing a lot more trouble than I am:

pleasure boys having all the fun

Damn those pleasure boys! Every time someone wants to have a little fun, those friggin’ pleasure boys have to come along and take it all for themselves. The fact that this term led someone to my site means that, while knitting might not make you gay, it definitely turns you into a pleasure boy. If only I’d known sooner!

oakland jew blog

This is my favorite. It was probably some nice Jewish girl looking for a nice Jewish boy in Oakland with a blog, but it sounds vaguely offensive in that old school way. Can’t you just imagine the chat room exchange?

sknhed86: man, the internet used 2 b such a cool place but now it sux
whtpwr69: you said it!!!!!!!!!!!! its all cuz of those jew blogs
sknhed86: yeh, and dont even get me goin on the ones from oakland

I could keep going with these search terms, because they’re really just too hilarious. For now, I’ll close with my second favorite. Whoever did this search, I hope my web site helped make their day just a little bit brighter:

hate knitting

11 Comments

  • Maia says:

    I love entries about crazy search terms. It always makes me realize that people come in many flavors. Thanks for the laugh.

  • Miss Bliss says:

    Oh mah lord….too funny!

  • So funny! I love checking the Google hits on my stats too. =)

  • Cheri says:

    Too funny!! I can’t remember how I stumbled upon your site, probably a “sites I read” list on someones blog…

  • Ines says:

    Just funny!
    Why some people think that knitting men have to be gay? I believe this predujice we have allover in the world, not only in USA. But hey – you shouldn’t care about this, it’s not worth.

    Ines

  • Nik says:

    the pics of the cats below are only making me want to get one…and I’m SO avoiding that ’cause I already have a doggie.

    and he’s cute

  • Rachel says:

    Your a great read! LMAO!!

  • Christina says:

    I agree with you on the “knitting makes men gay” theory. I know plenty of straight guys who aren’t afraid to pick up a pair of needles. If my dad had more time away from work, he would knit, too.
    Are you using StatCounter? I love reading what people were searching for. One of mine was “cat fetish”. !? Okay, I have cats, and they’re sweet, but I draw the line at rubbing their tummies.

  • Betty says:

    That cat with his head down looks like my Evil Genius cat .. the one that acted like it liked us at first, now doesn’t bother. Beautiful knitting. I’m going to have to make those pirate socks.

  • Sharah Naas says:

    I am in class while I read this, and its horrible– normally my knitting blogs don’t make me crack up in class! Thanks for the grin and giggle!

  • caroline says:

    jesse, you are the best! i love the imagined chat room conversation hahah…..and that new scarf that you made for your mom is the cat’s pajamas.

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